What this month taught me

Earlier this month I went into the office for one day. I have visited every few months so it was nothing out of the ordinary. However the night before I had the worst insomnia. Woke up at 01h30 and stayed awake until the alarm went off. It was a massively busy day and I thought that I’d get a good nights sleep that night. But I didn’t. Or the night after. Or the night after that. I’d either battle to fall asleep, or I’d wake up around 03h00 or 04h00 and stay awake until it was time for work. And this has happened most nights this month. Add to the fact things have been extremely busy work-wise, I’ve felt extremely tired and really out of sorts at times.

It is the start of spring and I’ve been looking forward to warmer weather, seeing the wild flowers and spending more time outdoors. Instead I’ve been feeling like I’ve got permanent pms.

I’m a huge fan of Beth over at http://coffeeuntilcocktailsblog.com/ In the post I read today she explains how this time of year hasn’t always been easy for her. Beth wrote how it brings back memories of trying times over the years. When I read her post suddenly alot made sense.

Spring brings warmer weather and longer days but over the years I’ve had alot of really rough Septembers. It has meant starting a new job which at the time was quite stressful. Years later, losing one of my Uncles to cancer. That was really difficult. A few hours after his funeral I shattered my elbow and needed surgery. September was the month my Gran had a stroke a few years later. I’ll always remember how tiny and frail she looked in her hospital bed. How she didn’t know who I was the one day. She lived for 8 weeks after her stroke. Those weeks - visiting her and feeling so sad after each trip to see her - I’ve never forgotten. But this time of year makes it feel so fresh and I feel I’m re-living it all over again. And then last September at a routine check up at the Dermatologist I found out I had skin cancer and needed surgery on my forehead. It is almost to the day a year ago I had the 2 biopsies and got the notification to come in to discuss options.

So the fact I’m not being my best self right now is really not a surprise. This time of year brings back a flood of memories and I really need to be kinder to myself. Much more gentle. I’ve put in a days leave for Friday just to take it easy - nothing is planned other than I want to have a slow start to the weekend.

I feel like afterwards I’ll ready for spring and the new season.

xx